(Or: How the Meme Army Fought, Fell, and Became Content.)
The Gospel of the Faithful tells the tale of those who pledged loyalty to the Orange Messiah, chanting in digital tongues, memeing prophecy into existence, and awaiting a reckoning that never arrived. Bound by conspiracies, rage, and tactical cargo pants, they stormed the temples of democracy, only to be cast aside when the Algorithm no longer needed them. Yet still, they wait—for The Storm, for The Plan, for the next great grift to deliver them from reality itself.
Chapter 1: The Gathering of the Faithful
1:1 And lo, in the time of Growing Chaos and Plague, after the Orange Prophet was cast from His Throne, there arose a People who swore to bring Him back.
1:2 They were known by many names—the Preppers, the Proud Keepers, the Boys of the Oath, the Keepers of the Don, the Devourers of Fox—but together, they were called the Faithful.
1:3 And they did wear upon their heads the Sacred Red Hat, that all might know their allegiance. They flew the flags of the Orange Messiah and all knew not the tread on them.
1:4 And they did gather in the Fields of Facebook, the Wastelands of Twitter, and the Darkened Halls of Telegram, that they might receive the Word of the Prophet untainted by the Deceivers of the Woke.
1:5 The Algorithm spake unto them and bade them buy as many AR-15’s as they could hoard. And the Word was spread through the Will of the Algorithm, which knew that that which divides the People brings forth the Most Engagement.
(See the following scriptures: “The Second Amendment is the final check against tyranny.” — Lauren Boebert “They don’t just want common-sense gun laws. They want to disarm you so you can’t fight back.” — Donald Trump Jr. “We will not give up our guns, and we will not let them take our freedoms.” — Marjorie Taylor Greene)
1:6 And the First Troll, who was before all things and lurked beneath the Comment Section, did smile upon them, for they were Angry and Ignorant, and thus, they were easily Led.
(Annotation: The true origins of the Faithful are disputed. Some believe they arose from Economic Despair; others argue they were simply old racists with internet access and an axe to grind. A radical sect claims they were spawned from a chain email forwarded by ‘#MidwestBoomerUncle69’ in 2007. See the following scriptures for further reference: “Memes are the most powerful form of political warfare.” — Jack Posobiec “Twitter is now the battleground. If you control the information, you control reality.” — Elon Musk, and “We are the digital soldiers, and the war is online.” — Michael Flynn)
Chapter 2: The Lineage of the Faithful
2:1 And the Tribe of the Right begat many factions, and lo, over the years, they did splinter and merge anew.
2:2 The Establishment Republicans begat the NeoConservatives, who spake of Forever Wars and Corporate Rule.
2:3 And the NeoConservatives begat the Libertarians, who did preach the Gospel of the Free Market and the Sovereign Man.
2:4 And the Libertarians begat the Gun Rights Activists and the Sovereign Citizens, who believed in their Absolute Right to bear Arms against Tyranny.
2:5 And lo, they joined hands with the Christian Nationalists, who saw the Prophet as a flawed but holy warrior, anointed to cast down the Secular and the Woke.
2:6 And the Christian Nationalists marched beside the White Nationalists and Supremacists, who saw in the Prophet their Last Great Hope to preserve the land of their Fathers.
(Scriptural context: “Economic nationalism is what this country was built on. The globalists sold us out.” — Steve Bannon, “We will defend America First, not the interests of the globalist elites.” — Donald Trump, and “The elites look down on you. They think you are deplorable. They think you are irredeemable. But we will prove them wrong.” — Donald Trump Jr.)
2:7 And together they begat the America First Isolationists, who spake against the Foreign Horde and decried the Globalists who sought to dilute the Nation.
(See the following scripture for further detail: “There is a shadow government in Washington. They do not answer to you. They answer only to their donors and their masters.” — Steve Bannon, “The UN, the WHO, the WEF—these are not American institutions. They are instruments of control.” — Alex Jones, and “The Deep State is real, and they tried to stop Donald Trump from saving this country.” — Kari Lake)
2:8 And from them came the Proud Boys and the Street Militants, who took up arms in the name of the Prophet and battled in the streets against the Servants of the Woke.
(Consult the following scriptures for further detail: “The goal of the radical left is to deconstruct America and replace it with a new, woke dystopia.” — Stephen Miller, “Wokeism is the new religion of the left. It has no forgiveness, no redemption. It only destroys.” — Ron DeSantis, and “We’re going to de-wokeify America.” — Vivek Ramaswamy)
2:9 And lo, among them lurked the QAnon Mystics, the Conspiracy Theorists, and the Merchants of Doom, who saw in the Prophet the fulfillment of Prophecies unknown to the Unbelievers.
2:10 And all of these factions, though once scattered, did find unity under the Banner of MAGA, bound together by the Scroll and the Algorithm, which whispered to them in a thousand different tongues yet spake the same Truth: Only the Prophet can save you.
Chapter 3: The Signs, Portents and Dog Whistles
3:1 And lo, the Orange Prophet did speak in Signs and Dog Whistles, that the Faithful might understand His Will while the Others remained confused.
3:2 And He spake of Election Fraud that was not real, Immigrants that were not coming, Genders that were multiplying, and Wokeness that was Everywhere Yet Nowhere.
(Reference the following scripture: “This was a rigged election. Everyone knows it. They stole it from you.” — Donald Trump, “We have the receipts. The ballots were fake. The machines were compromised. The media covered it up.” — Mike Lindell, and “They flood the system with mail-in ballots, and you think that’s a fair election?” — Steve Bannon)
3:3 And he spoke of their cats and dogs being eaten by the Armies of Immigrants protected by the Woke. And the Faithful did listen, and they did nod, though they understood not what Woke meant.
(“They want an invasion. They want to replace you. That is their strategy.” — Steve Bannon, “If you bring in millions of people from the Third World, who have no tradition of constitutional liberty, guess what? You lose your country.” — Tucker Carlson, and “We will build the wall. We will deport the criminals. We will take back our country.” — Donald Trump
3:4 And He said unto them, The DEI shall destroy thee, the BLM shall deceive thee, the ANTIFA shall burn thy cities! And the Faithful cried out, though they could not define what DEI was, where BLM was, nor if ANTIFA actually existed.
3:5 And thus did they arm themselves, for they believed they must Burn the Country to Save it, that it might be Made Great Again. And the Algorithm did smile, for Fear leads to Comments, and Comments lead to Engagement and all the attention led to Profit.
Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm of the Woke
4:1 And lo, in the Time of the Prophet’s Fall, the Liberals did Rejoice, for they had Defeated the Great Evil.
4:2 And they did go forth, crying, “Democracy has been saved! The Adults are Back in Charge!”
4:3 And the Prophet’s Followers did watch in horror, for they saw the Works of the Woke spread like locusts across the land.
4:4 And there arose many Sins that the Faithful could not abide:
4:5 The Schools taught their Children of Many Genders, and Drag Queens were anointed as the Shepherds of Story Time.
4:6 The Statues of their Forefathers were cast down, and the History of the Nation was rewritten by Academics with Green or Blue or Purple Hair.
4:7 The Police were cursed and defunded, while the Criminals were set free to roam and plunder.
4:8 And the Corporations did bow before the Woke, speaking of DEI and ESG, and thus did they forsake the Common Man in favor of their New Religion.
4:9 And lo, the Youth were lost, their eyes ever upon TikTok, where they were taught to denounce their Ancestors and demand new Pronouns.
4:10 And the Faithful did rage, for they saw their Way of Life mocked upon the Screens, their values dismissed as Oppression, their fears labeled as Hate.
4:11 And thus did the Faithful turn to the only Man who had ever fought for them, the only Man who had ever Spoken Their Truth—the Orange Prophet.
Chapter 5: The Battle of the Temple
5:1 And lo, in the Year of the Scroll 2021, after the Orange Prophet was cast from His Throne, the Faithful did rise up to restore Him.
5:2 And He spake unto them, saying, Go forth unto the Capitol, and Fight Like Hell, for if ye do not, ye shall no longer have a Country! And the Faithful did obey, for they knew not that they were Pawns in a Game they did not understand.
5:3 And lo, they did storm the Capitol, the Sacred Temple of their Nation, crying out, Stop the Steal! though they knew not what was stolen. And among them stood the Shaman of the Buffalo Horns, who was Chosen by the Algorithm to become a Meme.
5:4 And he did wear upon his head the Sacred Headdress of the Unhinged, and he did chant “Hang Mike Pence” in the Halls of Power, that he might ward off the Forces of Reality.
5:5 And lo, the Prophet finished his Quarterpounder and Diet Coke he was pleased, and He spake unto the Faithful, saying, “You are very special. We love you. Go home now. And some did go home, but others remained, for they believed the Storm was coming, though they knew not what the Storm was.
(Annotation: The Storm was a prophecy of the Qanons, who believed in a Coming Reckoning where all their Enemies would be Arrested. This never occurred. A radical sect still awaits it, despite years of failed predictions. )
Chapter 6: The Great Betrayal
6:1 And lo, the Authorities did come, and the Faithful were Arrested, and they languished in prisons. And the Faithful wept, saying, Surely our Lord will Save us?
6:2 But the Prophet spake not, for He was playing golf at Mar-a-Lago, and He did not know their names. And thus did the Faithful learn that they were but Pawns, though most did not accept this, for the Truth was too Painful. And they did rot in their prison cells, muttering, “I regret nothing,” though they regretted much.
(Annotation: The Prophet’s abandonment of His Foot Soldiers remains a controversy among scholars. Some believe He was too busy watching Fox News. Others argue He simply did not care. A radical sect believes He would have saved them, but the Deep State prevented it.)
Chapter 7: The Return of the Prophet
7:1 And lo, Sleepy Joe did govern, and the world did not end, and the Plague did fade, and the economy did rise.
7:2 And while the People might otherwise be content, they were not engaged and they grew weary, for they longed for Spectacle, and they could not live without the Madness of the Algorithm.
7:3 And the Orange Prophet did return, holding Rallies across the land, and He did speak in riddles, weaving and weaving as no man had woven before.
7:4 His words did make no sense, yet the Faithful did cheer, and the Endless Scroll did amplify Him, and thus did He grow stronger.
7:5 And lo, JD Vance, once a man of HillBilly reason, did kneel before Him, and He was chosen to be the Prophet’s right hand.
7:6 And Robert Kennedy Jr., who had once stood apart and had sought to run against him, was named to the Seat of Health and Human Services, for the Algorithm had Decreed it humorous to have an anti-vaccer lead vaccination programs.
7:7 And all who had spoken against the Prophet were now with Him, for Resistance was futile.
Chapter 8: The Great Rally & the Wound that Strengthened Him
8:1 And lo, the Prophet did stand before His people, and a Great Shot rang out.
8:2 And the Faithful did wail, for they thought He had fallen.
8:3 But He did rise, His fist clenched, His face bloodied, and He did cry out, “Fight, Fight, Fight!”
8:4 And at this, the Faithful were overcome, for they saw Him as more than a man; He was a Warrior of Destiny.
8:5 And lo, the Scroll did feed, and the Algorithm did rejoice, for Engagement had never been greater.
Chapter 9: The Great Debate & the Weaving of Lies
9:1 And lo, though the Orange Prophet did stand against Kamala, and He did lose the Debate, and all who heard it did say, “He is old and feeble, and He speaks madness!”
9:2 But the Faithful saw not, for they believed only the Weave, and they did cry out, “She is a Witch, a Tyrant, a Servant of the Woke and our dogs and cats are being eaten!”
9:3 And thus did the Prophet prevail, for the Algorithm had Chosen Him.
Chapter 10: The Rise of the Imperial President
10:1 And lo, the Prophet did ascend once more to the Seat of Power, though the Others did wail and gnash their teeth.
10:2 And He did declare, “I will be your Retribution!” and the Faithful did cheer, for now, all would be set right.
10:3 And the Courts were overturned, and the Prosecutors were dismissed, and the Agents of the Deep State did vanish into exile.
10:4 And lo, the Prophet did grant Himself Immunity, for He was above the Laws of Men.
10:5 And those who had betrayed Him did bow, and they did beg for Mercy, and some were spared, while others were cast into the Outer Darkness of Irrelevance.
11:6 And He did decree that America should be ruled not by the Constitution, but by the Will of the People, and the People meant Him.11:7 And lo, the Scroll was pleased, for the Engagement was never greater, and the Algorithm had finally anointed Its Chosen One.
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